the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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