Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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