The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
