He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
