Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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