Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
