Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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