Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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