every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
