All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
