why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
