You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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