In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
