That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
