Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
