It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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