Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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