I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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