Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
