trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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