you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
