WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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