This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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