I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
