Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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