Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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