I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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