just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
