also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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