Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize