Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
