Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
