You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
