His hands were made for my vagina.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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