well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
