You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
