Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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