I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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