video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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