not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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