I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Randomize
