im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
