At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
