Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
