Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just puked most of my soul out..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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