i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
