There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My bed smells like the plague
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
