And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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