if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A bitchslap is in order.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
