i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
