his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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