I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
