nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
