I cockslap morals
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
