I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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