I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
