If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
