I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
