Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
