Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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