I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
