Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
