doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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