you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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