I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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