This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize