Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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