In the future we'll all be gay
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
