You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize