clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
