i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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