At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've blown a few things in my day
Reggie can tackle my bush.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
