I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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