If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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