So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Randomize
