I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
