Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
