i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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