you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
